This summer I took my first long distance open water swim of the season. It was with a good friend of mine Richard Hurd. It had been a couple of year since I had swam in open water. I was a little bit nervous as I knew Rich would quickly pull away and I would be swimming essentially alone. I estimated the buoy to be abut a half mile away and the total swim about a mile in distance. The water was smooth reflecting the surrounding mountains and giant Cotton ball clouds soaking up the early morning light bending over the horizon. No one except for a few campers were in the park.
I was a bit hesitant to jump in. In 1996 while on a business trip to North Carolina I arrived at my hotel to catch the edge of a great Atlantic storm surge. Without hesitation I jumped into cold dark choppy six foot rain drenched waves to swim. It was late at night and the hotel lights were the only lights shining on this dark night. I loved every second of my swim. I had no fear and a grinning smile never left my lips. “Yes!” I screamed as I left the water, pumped beyond belief, at having the opportunity to swim in the ocean in such favorable (distressed) conditions.
So here I was with my friend Rich an accomplished triathlete and swimmer all suited up in his go fast, high speed, buoyant fresh water wet suit. And me wondering how cold the water was in my acsis running shorts at the crack of dawn of this high desert mountain reservoir. Was I ready for such a distance? I had swam this far in the pool, but not in open water, and I had not trained in the pool for almost three years. I knew my lung would not give out, but I was unsure of my arms. I jumped in and felt the briskness of early morning water and with in a couple of strokes I was cutting smoothly through the water. The only challenge I had was my goggles kept fogging up and I had to stop, tread water, and take them off to spot my course.
Like barefoot running very few people feel comfortable swimming long distances in open water. I reflected upon an experience I had while teaching at the Marine Corps Water Survival Instructor School. A young man in great physical shape washed out of the training. Before he did I remember speaking with him about completing a required water test that required you to swim across the bottom of a 15′ deep swim tank with your hands placed behind your back, your legs tied Indian style, and with a weight belt to keep you on the bottom of the pool. A giant breath took you to the bottom where you would then hop across the 25 meter width of the pool. At the other end you could then take your arms and swim to the surface and remove your weight belt.
All in the course had completed the test, but this young Marine could not. At the bottom of the pool fear would creep up into this mans head and cause him to panic where he would shoot to the surface and scream to be untied and pulled out. He told me he was still battling the memories of a boating accident were he saw three of his high school buddies drown and die as his boat burst into flames after collision. Naively I told him that by completing this course he would ensure that none of his buddies in the Marine units he would be assigned to would suffer the same fate as his close Friends.
Now that I am 41 years old I see how limited my thinking about fear was at the time. My simple words were not enough to overcome the deep pain and fear that was embedded in that young Marine.
Today on my run I pushed the limits of my body as I ran four laps around a section of undeveloped property, close to my home to complete a distance of a mile, I was pondering how fast I could run the mile barefoot. My fastest time for the mile was a sub 6 for three miles for 17:56 during my time as a 20 year old Marine. Someone reported a sub 5 minute mile the other day on the running barefoot discussion list. I told my wife about this and she said that I should try and do the same. I immediately felt the fear of the pain that that speed would create in my lungs and body. “No, I don’t think I am up for that kind of pain” I said to her. “Did I hear you correctly” She retorted back.
So I pushed hard — feeling the pain well up in my lungs and legs as I pushed my boundaries. I did not have a watch with me, but it felt sixish, maybe 5:59.
I thought of all the times that I had taken on my fears in my life. Business failures, huge projects, inventions to pull off the impossible, divorce, running a marathon barefoot in the rain, and the like. As I merge my new family together, I am now the father to nine children (Mine, Hers and Ours), I have a completely new outlook on the challenges of fear. Every challenge that I face in the business world is reflected acutely in my role as Father. A wave of fear courses through many businesses at this time; How are we going to survive? Will we have jobs? Will we have customers? And many more questions such as this. My answer, now more than ever is one of patience, love, and encouragement. It is the secret to success in such times as these.
I sure hope the young Marine that I spoke with some twenty years ago was the recipient of love and encouragement to overcome his fears by the people he interacted with after me. For me, I am committed to overcoming my fears – I see an 100 mile trail ultra, and running the Ironman in minimal shoes in my future! Game is on.
Michael Carroll
